


I Think I Love You

by happily_missy



Series: XFactor Diaries [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, But he's funny, Fluff, M/M, Sad Zayn, Smut, fluffy ziam, light mention of all the guys but theyre all drunk, louis is a twat, mentions of danielle - Freeform, really sad zayn, soft ziam, xfactor tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:04:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10547394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happily_missy/pseuds/happily_missy
Summary: Part 3 of The XFactor Diaires series.Zayn spirals after Liam whispers "I think I love you" to him after they fool around in a back room at a club. But he's still with Danielle ... and "I think" might not be enough.





	

Zayn was furious. The five of them were currently crammed in the large black SUV that Paddy had called for them, and his brain was whirring.

Zayn was resolutely looking out the window, anywhere but at _him._

_I think I love you ..._

Liam had actually said those words to him after they both _came_ , like, what a fucking cliché. Liam said so many things to him, whispered things, things in his ear and against his lips … but how much of it was true? Zayn squirmed slightly in his seat, Harry drooling lightly on his shoulder, feeling his and Liam’s come drying slowly on his stomach.

Zayn didn’t know what to do. He wanted to cry and yell and punch a wall.

Finally, the wheels of the car rumbling underneath him, he painstakingly chanced a glance up at Liam; he was texting.

God, if he was talking to Danielle right after they practically fucked on a couch _at a club,_ Zayn had really underestimated how much of dick Liam could be.

Zayn just turned back to the window and let Harry cuddle up even further into him.  He pet the boy’s curly hair lightly, trying to stifle the tears welling up inside him, burning to be let out. Louis and Niall were passed out next to Liam and it was so unbelievably awkward and cruel that it was just the two of them that were actually coherent right now. The silence in the car was breaking Zayn’s eardrums, no one making a sound except Niall’s occasional grunt, and Zayn didn’t know what to do.

So he just stared out the window again, begging himself to ignore the _click click_ of Liam’s phone.

After forever, which was probably only ten minutes, the car arrived at the back of their hotel again. It seemed so long ago that they had piled into this car, happy and excited for a fun night out, and now it was this. Whatever the hell _this_ was.

Zayn could feel his heart breaking inside his chest as the car parked and Paddy let them all out. Niall, Louis, and Harry required extra help from security standing by, but Zayn was horribly sober, climbing out of the car unassisted. Liam was standing a few feet from him but would not look his way.

Zayn stood next to the car, the cold air whipping his face and he dug his hands into his jeans, painfully remembering Liam’s hands right there on his cock not even an hour ago. What even was that? What was Liam doing saying all those things but still being with Danielle? Was he fucking with Zayn? Did he even _know_? Had it been a one time thing? Maybe his emotions and dick just got the better of him, but he was going to go running back to Danielle … Zayn couldn’t even bear the thought.

Liam was still facing the hotel with his back to him, fiddling with his phone in his hand and checking it every few seconds, but he still hadn’t said a word.

Zayn could feel the tears brimming in his eyes again and he just tucked his chin into his neck, looking at the ground. He and Louis were sharing a room tonight, that was good. Louis would be passed out and Zayn could cry in peace. He just had to make it up to the room in one piece.

He couldn’t believe he let Liam in only to have Liam break him … _again._

He was going to run back to Danielle, because it was easy and safe and _not gay;_ Zayn could feel it and everything inside him was starting to break.

“Alright boys, let’s go,” Paddy said to the group, and Zayn looked up at Liam, _hating_ himself for still hoping that Liam would look back at him, but instead he just walked ahead without a backward glance.

Maybe Zayn deserved it. Liam had said _that_ to him and Zayn just … maybe this was instant Karma and Liam had decided that Zayn wasn’t worth the trouble.

God, he had no fucking idea what to think about anything. He just wanted to cry and be alone to nurse his broken heart.

Zayn followed the rest of the group, falling behind just slightly. He couldn’t walk with them, couldn’t bear to deal with anything right now, all conversation included. Paddy brought them inside and into the elevators without being seen, but then they were separated; Liam, Harry and Niall in one elevator and Zayn and Louis in the other, with their respective security. Zayn just stared blankly at Liam’s back as he walked away from him and inside the lift, the doors closing. Liam was still staring resolutely at his phone, not sparing a glance for the boy whose heart was shattering in front of him.

Not a single word. Liam hadn’t said one word to him since the club.

Was it Zayn’s fault, though? _You walked away from him, Zayn_ . Zayn crossed his arms stiffly as the elevator went up and up to their floor. No, no it wasn’t, because Zayn had asked him about Danielle and Liam hadn’t said shit. He just stood there like a moron and suddenly Zayn was the _other guy_. The one Liam had cheated with.

He felt disgusting, plus he really needed a shower. He was desperate to just wash Liam off his skin, and he only wished he could wash him from his mind and his heart too. Maybe everything would hurt just a little less.

They all made it to his and Louis’ room easily, security giving their key to Zayn because Louis had already stumbled over to the couch in their adjoining suite, unable to make it to his bed, and passed out. Zayn was grateful; it meant he didn’t have to talk or hold back.

“Thanks guys, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Zayn called to the men as they walked down the hall. He shut the door and it was as if the click of the lock had opened up his tear ducts because he was suddenly crying. He tried to be quiet, but sob after low guttural sob escaped him and wouldn’t stop, and he just fell to the floor in a pathetic heap, clutching his knees with desperate hands.

_I think I love you …_

But Liam chose Danielle … Zayn was right, _I think_ wasn’t enough.

Zayn wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, thirty minutes, maybe an hour, rocking back and forth, but finally he sat up. Louis’ snores were still rumbling softly into the room as Zayn tried to take deep calming breaths, standing up, and heading to the shower.

He could do this. He could recover again, _he had to._ One Direction couldn’t handle a fall out between two of its members; if they wanted to continue, Zayn would just need to get over this. Put his career first, and more importantly, the other four boys that he loved so much.

He couldn’t shut down like he had the last time, and even as he wiped away his tears in the shower, he knew it was easier said than done, but it was the truth. If Liam didn’t want Zayn the way he so desperately needed him, then he had no other choice.

Zayn got dressed into sweats and padded over to where Louis was sleeping. He actually looked so sweet like this, for once, and Zayn went to get a blanket for him to tuck him in properly. Once Louis was all taken care of Zayn closed the door to the suite, leaving him alone in the bedroom, finally.

Zayn didn’t want to think anymore, and he had no more tears left anyways, so he just made his way over to his bed and and curled up into a little ball.

_I think I love you ..._

Zayn couldn’t sleep … not with those words hanging over his head, clinging to his heart, and seeping into his soul; it was too much and not enough at the same time. It was what Zayn had wanted for so long but it was as if Liam had poisoned them. _I think I think I think._

Liam didn’t even know what he felt for Zayn, while Zayn was so unbelievably in love with the other boy that he couldn’t think straight.

This was almost worse, Zayn thought, as he stared hopelessly at the ceiling, because it was this terrible middle ground of nothing and something. Liam actually had real valid feelings for him. It was incredible, it wasn’t all in Zayn’s head, and he had _touched_ him … it was still so surreal to Zayn that the last few hours had been a reality. But on the other hand Liam was still in a relationship and he hadn’t burst out saying, “of course I’ll break up with Danielle, I love you, Zayn.” instead he got a horrid _I think I love you_ in his post orgasmic haze and then a silent response when _she_ was brought up.

It was torture. Zayn just hugged at his thin hotel comforter, wishing for sleep to come upon him, but he really wasn’t that tired …

 

***

 

_Knock knock knock_

Zayn woke up, disoriented as a loud banging filled the room. It was still dark and Zayn wasn’t sure how long he slept for, but it couldn’t have been that long, but who in God’s name was knocking on his door in the middle of the night? Zayn’s brain was working at half speed, but he grudgingly rolled out of bed and walked to the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Zayn, please open the door,”

Zayn froze where he was, just a few steps away from the door. It was Liam. Oh god, oh no. No, Zayn couldn’t do this, not now, not tonight. He just stood there, unable to move, knowing Liam was on the other side and not even sure if he should let him in … or could, for that matter.

“Please, Zayn, please, just open the door, I need to talk to you.” Liam’s voice was broken; he sounded hoarse, as if he too had been crying all night.

Zayn couldn’t break.

But … Liam was his best friend. Well, at least he had been .. god, this whole thing had turned so ugly so quickly, and Zayn just missed him. He missed Liam, his friend. So he took a deep breath, reached for the door handle, and opened the door.

“Zayn, I -” Liam stopped himself as the door swung open, and Zayn just looked at him. His eyes were red, his cheeks puffy, his hair dishevelled, and he was still in his clothes from last night. _He still probably has your come on him, too._

Shit, Liam was crying. Why? Oh God, he probably felt guilty … Zayn had made Liam _cheat_ , he had decided to ruin their friendship and fuck everything up. Zayn had thought before that if Liam maybe felt the same way, it would be worth it … fucking around ... but seeing Liam so sad …  Oh god, he didn’t feel that way anymore, and now? Liam was crying and beating himself up over it … and Zayn couldn’t risk losing him. He couldn’t, not again.

He had to make Liam stay. Stay his friend. Not be mad at him … not blame him.

“Liam, I’m … I’m sorry, sorry about everything. None of it should’ve happened, ok? I take responsibility, you’re not a cheater. We both know that, and Danielle doesn’t have to know. I get it.” The words were rushing out his mouth, but they were calm and steady, and Zayn felt as if someone else were saying them.

“Zayn, just … just let me come in, please.”

Liam was still standing in the hallway, but he looked so dejected and in pain, so Zayn awkwardly moved aside and let him in. This was a bad idea and he knew it, but he couldn’t bear to see Liam hurting. “Where’s Louis?” Liam asked, looking around the empty bedroom, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Passed out on the couch,” Zayn said, pointing to the other room as he shut the door. Now that it was just the two of them, alone in his bedroom, he didn’t know where to go; should he just stand or should he sit on the bed or what?

“Zayn,” Liam started speaking again but Zayn couldn’t handle it, _he couldn’t_.

“No Liam, please,” Zayn stayed near the door. He needed a exit if this went badly, and the words just kept tumbling out of his mouth. “I can’t do this again, ok? After we kissed the first time, it _broke_ me. It actually broke me into pieces, and I’m not proud of it, and it’s not your fault, but it happened and I can’t … I can’t bear that again, ok?”

Liam was standing awkwardly near the bed and he had frozen in place at Zayn’s words, just looking at the floor. Zayn waited for a heartbeat, wondering if Liam was going to rush in, say something, do something.

But he didn’t.

“Liam, I … I get it, I get that you don’t feel that way about me, alright? Like, it wasn’t fair of me, and like that first time, when you asked to practice, I just should’ve said no cause it obviously meant more to me than it did to you ... and then I shut you out when you hadn’t done anything wrong. And then at the club, that was just … it was _amazing,”_ Zayn shut his eyes and balled his fist at the memory, but he kept going, “but I shouldn’t have let it happen. And then you said those things to me, ok, and I just … I broke again and I couldn’t and ... I understand that you don’t mean it the way I want you to, and that’s ok, I just need-”

“Zayn, Please, let me-”

“Liam, _no_ . I … “ Zayn was shaking, begging the tears to not come out of him, and Liam was still standing at his bed, but now he had lifted his eyes up to Zayn’s and just looked so fucking sad. Sad that Zayn was sad, and Zayn felt like the shittiest friend. Zayn could feel his feet moving under him but he wasn’t fully aware of what was happening until he was right in front of Liam, grabbing the front of his shirt. “Liam, I am so _sorry,_ ” and the tears just erupted from him, pouring from his eyes and he just held onto Liam’s shirt and pressed his forehead to Liam’s, like he wanted to send all his love and thoughts and life into the boy. “Liam, I fucked this all up ... you didn’t ask me to care about you like this. You wanted a friend and I messed it all up and you don’t deserve this. You have a great girlfriend and I’ve been a shitty friend and I’m just so sorry, please don’t leave me. Please just forgive me … I can deal with this, yeah? I’ll get over you, I will, but p-please don’t let this ruin us, because you are everything to me … please.”

Zayn felt the words rush out of him like an avalanche and he wasn’t sure if he had whispered them or if he had shouted them at Liam, but it didn’t matter. All he knew was that Liam was still here. That was good. And now that he had started talking, it was as if he couldn’t stop.

“You … I shouldn’t have let tonight happen, ok?” Zayn was breathing hard against Liam now, and he hadn’t realized that they were touching, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t pull away. “I fucked up the situation, I took advantage, I-”

“Zayn, I-”

“NO, LIAM.”

Zayn was sobbing, actually sobbing now, and it was so embarrassing, but he couldn’t let Liam blame himself. Zayn understood now and he just … it was all his fault, all of it, and he had to make it right. “It’s all my fault, Liam … Please don’t hate me, I won’t tell Danielle, ok? Just … don’t leave me.”

Zayn couldn’t bear the idea of Liam being out of his life, and he felt … just a few hours ago he was leaving Liam because _I think I love you_ wasn’t enough, and yet now …

“I broke up with her.”

Liam’s voice was just above a whisper, so low that Zayn wasn’t sure if had heard him correctly. But he pulled away from him, sobering up from his tears, needing to look at Liam full in the face.

“W-what?” Zayn asked, stunned.

“I broke up with Danielle,” Liam said more firmly this time, and he looked right at Zayn.

“Liam, what … why …”

Words, which had been flowing out of his mouth so well just a minute ago, were know gone from him. What was happening? Liam broke up with Danielle? Why? There was no way it could be for the reason he hoped, because Liam was straight and …

But then he remembered the texting in the car, and Liam’s red eyes when he arrived at his door, and …

Liam was walking towards him now, closing the small gap Zayn had made, and he took both of Zayn’s hands in his own, holding his palms and moving his thumbs in slow circles over his skin. Zayn’s brain was shutting off, trying to understand what was happening.

“Zayn,” Liam was speaking again and Zayn strained to hear what he was saying but it was really hard cause his hands were super soft in his own and he kept looking at Liam’s lips while he was talking, but he had to focus. “I broke up with Danielle because I realized something.”

“Uh … what, erm … what did you realize?” Zayn stuttered, trying his hardest to concentrate on Liam’s words.

“I lied earlier. Well, not _lied_ , I guess. But I wasn’t honest with you tonight.” Liam was still looking at him and Zayn was trying to read his face, trying to understand what he was trying to say. When Zayn didn’t respond, Liam took a deep breath and continued. “When I said I think I love you … I wasn’t telling the truth, Zayn.” Liam dropped Zayn’s hands and brought his own up to cup Zayn’s face, and oh god, he couldn’t start crying again, not now, not with Liam right here. “After you walked away from me, Zayn, I realized that I don’t _think_ … I _know_ … I know that I love you.”

And with that simple statement Liam brought his lips down so softly against Zayn’s own.

He didn’t move, neither of them did. Zayn could feel Liam’s hesitancy in his kiss, as if Liam felt that Zayn might run away at any minute, but Zayn wasn’t going anywhere. He _couldn’t_ , not while Liam was saying _that_ and kissing him.

But he had to check.

“Liam,” Zayn moved away from Liam’s lips only a fraction of an inch, just so he could get the words out. “What … I …” Ok, apparently he didn’t have any words.

“Zayn, I’m the one who should be sorry, ok?” Liam was whispering against his lips, still cupping Zayn’s face, stroking his thumbs over his cheekbones, and it was as if Liam was everywhere. Everything he felt, touched, tasted, saw … it was all Liam. Zayn closed his eyes and just let the words fall over him, “I’ve liked you this entire time … like, since I first met you, but … I never … I never wanted to hope that-”

“Hope that what?” Zayn’s eyes were still shut because this felt like a dream. Liam was saying all the things he he had ever wanted in life, but he had to make sure. He couldn’t just play around, let Liam comfort him or … He wasn’t even sure what he had to make sure of, but this just needed to be real.

“Hope that you would ever feel about me the way I feel about you,” Liam choked, and  he brought their faces further apart. Zayn opened his eyes, he could see that Liam was tearing up too, his beautiful warm brown eyes glistening in the dim light of the room, and Zayn brought his fingers up to lightly brush away the single tear that had fallen on his cheek.

“What about Danielle?” Zayn asked.

“I tried with her, I really did. I _begged_ myself to feel for her even a fraction of what I feel for you … but …”

Zayn was silent for a moment. A heartbeat …

“Liam,” Zayn finally breathed out, “ _Liam,_ I’ve loved you this whole time.”

Liam just held his gaze and looked at Zayn, right into his soul. “You love me?”

“Liam, I love you so much it physically hurts, ok? That’s why I pulled away, because you were with Danielle and you acted like nothing had happened, but that kiss meant so much to me … and it was like it meant nothing to you and-”

“Fuck, Zayn,” Liam brought his hands down from Zayn’s face to his chest, gripping his shirt, an edge to his voice. “It meant _everything_ to me … that’s why I did that, that’s why I asked you to practice with me, a stupid excuse … and then … and then I just wasn’t sure about anything and I was so scared and I didn’t … I didn’t want to ruin what we have, and I’m so sorry … about everything, except tonight. Tonight,” and Liam was walking Zayn back towards his bed now, and Zayn was mesmerized by him, letting him guide him, the back of his knees hitting the bed and he sat down, “tonight was perfect.”

“Yeah?” Zayn was sitting on the bed now, looking up at Liam, and everything seemed to hit him like a fucking truck. “Wait, Liam,” Zayn took Liam’s hands, squeezing hard, and just looked at Liam, his heart racing and eyes searching, “you love me? Like …”

“Zayn, I love you, I really do and I’m so fucking sorry it took me so long to say it.”

Zayn started to laugh, and cry. He was giggling as tears began to stream down his face, and then Liam was laughing too, and without wanting to waste any more time, Zayn took Liam by the waist, drawing him towards the bed. “Why are we still talking?”

“Fuck if I know,” Liam said, and then he was straddling Zayn’s hips, and he felt so amazing, his weight and his warmth, and then they were kissing again, crashing into each other. Liam brought his soft lips down, rough this time, against Zayn’s chapped ones, his mouth opening immediately as his tongue searched for Zayn’s. Zayn immediately melted into Liam and brought his hands up to clutch at Liam’s back, bringing him closer and holding him place, because Liam was rocking his hips just enough and Zayn’s cock started to fatten up immediately.

“Zayn, I ...” Liam was panting against his mouth, hips rutting against Zayn. “Fuck, is this really happening?”

“I think so,” Zayn laughed and then he reconnected their lips. He couldn’t get enough of Liam, and he just let the other boy push against his chest, laying him flat on the bed, and now Liam was lying top of him. Zayn scooted further up the bed and just wrapped his arms around Liam, tangling their legs together and threading his fingers in Liam’s hair. Liam broke their kiss and began kissing and sucking down Zayn’s neck, nuzzling his face against his skin, causing Zayn to let out a string of swear words that didn’t even sound English.

“I love you so much, Zee, I love kissing you and touching you and everything about you,” Liam was speaking in between kisses and Zayn was holding on to him like his life depended on it.

Zayn stopped, just for a moment and brought Liam’s face up to his, “Liam, are you sure? About all this, cause … I … I can’t have you waking up tomorrow and regretting this and-”

Liam silenced him with another kiss, “You want me to sleep over? Well isn’t that forward of you, Malik,” Liam laughed as Zayn play punched him. But Zayn just looked him, his eyes wide, and finally Liam said, “Babe, I’ve literally never been more sure of anything.” and then Liam kissed him deep and slow, so that Zayn felt it all the way to his toes. “I’m crazy about you Zayn, always have been, always will be.” And with that, Liam sat up and took off his shirt, chuckling a little at the come stains, and threw it on the floor.

Fuck. Zayn had seen Liam like this only a few hours ago, but this was so different. Liam was kinda of _his_ now, this wasn’t a stolen moment. This was first of many many more moments. Zayn could just enjoy this.

“You’re so beautiful, Liam,” Zayn whispered as he cupped Liam’s face, brushing the hair out of his eyes and stroking his cheeks gently, “So incredibly stunning, I’m so lucky to be here right now.”

Zayn could see Liam’s whole face just open up, his eyes widening, mouth going slack, and he just pressed his forehead against Zayns. “I’ve been so stupid for so long,” Liam breathed, his eyes shut tight, “I’m so sorry, Zayn.”

“Liam, don’t -”

“Shhh, Zayn just … let me be sorry, let me make it up to you ...” Liam pulled away from Zayn’s and got this little smirk on his face, almost mischievous, and he started lightly playing with buttons on Zayn’s jeans, all the while biting his lip.

Zayn’s jaw dropped. “Uhh, yeah, _shit_ , yeah,” Zayn stuttered and then Liam slid off his lap and knelt in front of him, looking so soft and tentative but also so fucking sexy. Zayn was already so hard, his dick responding to everything that was Liam, and Liam popped the button and pulled down his zipper.

“I didn’t get to taste last time,” Liam said, as he starting to shimmy down Zayn’s jeans, taking off his shoes and socks in the process, all while kissing Zayn’s thighs and making him shiver. It was all so domestic but so hot at the same time, and Zayn quickly threw off his shirt while Liam was working on the rest of his clothes.

Now, just in his heavily tented boxers, Zayn felt the air in the room shift. They both stopped, Liam's hands on Zayn's thighs and Zayn just drinking in every inch of Liam's skin that he could see.

“You okay, Zayn?” Liam was rubbing his thighs now, attempting to comfort him.

“Yes, of course … it’s just a lot to take in, but …” Zayn stopped and looked up from his fingers to Liam’s warm brown eyes, and he felt like he was falling in love all over again.

“You want this? … Do you … do you want me?” Liam’s voice was a bit higher than usual, and Zayn felt a sudden pang of guilt for making him second guess himself.

“Oh god, Liam, _yes_ , I want this,” he said, and he put Liam’s hand on his throbbing cock, still covered by his boxers, just like he did a few hours earlier, “I need this, need you.” Zayn took a deep breath, “I’m just scared, but …”

“Can you trust me?” Liam asked him, so open, so earnest. “I know I’ve been so terrible, but I’m not lying anymore, I never want to lie to you again, ok? I’m here, with you … I’m not going anywhere.”

Zayn just shut his eyes, willing himself to believe Liam. He did, he had always trusted Liam with everything he had, he was just so fucking scared that he’d have his heart crushed all over again. But Liam was his best friend … he needed to just give in …

“Come here,” Liam stood up slowly off his knees and kissed him, and Zayn had to hold back the tears, because this was _real._ He could feel what he felt the first time they kissed, that this was something more, and always would be. Zayn kissed Liam back and let him push him back onto the bed, scooting him further up so that they both were laying down again, Liam heavy on top of him. It felt so good, Zayn couldn’t get tired of it.

“Zayn, I never want to hurt you again, ok?” Liam said against his lips, his hands roaming his almost naked body, touching and grabbing at him, almost trying to reassure himself that Zayn was actually here too. “Let me prove it to you, please, I wanna make you feel good.” Zayn felt Liam’s fingers playing with the hem of boxers, and with a breathy whisper of _ok,_ Liam slowly pushed the material down, and Zayn’s leaking cock broke free with a loud slap against his belly.

“I wanna feel you, Li,” Zayn said and stuck his thumb lightly in Liam’s mouth, pushing it against his lips. He felt Liam’s tongue flick against the pad of his finger. Zayn’’s cock twitched between them and Liam let out an aborted noise as he slowly moved himself down Zayn’s shaking body, Zayn’s hand petting his hair as he went.

_Yes, god, yes._

Liam kissed and bit at Zayn’s chest and tummy, and _oh god what a fucking tease …_ Zan groaned at each press of Liam’s lips brought him closer to his aching cock. Now that he knew Liam was here, was really fucking here and wasn’t leaving, Zayn felt a desperate need for Liam, just _Liam._ Right the fuck now. He was right between Zayn’s legs, when he stopped, and Zayn was glad of the dim light emanating from the bedside lamp because he wanted to see Liam tear him apart.

“Wanna watch you fall apart, babe,” Liam said, nuzzling his face into his belly, softly nipping at his hip.

“Shit, Liam …” Zayn brought his hand up and fisted Liam’s hair, growling out his words, “ruin me, _please_.”

Liam grabbed his thighs and lightly pushed them apart, exposing the thin skin on the inside of his thighs, and it was as if Liam knew how sensitive he was there. He bent down and started to kiss and lightly bite right there, so close to where Zayn needed him but also feeling absolutely perfect where he was. Liam must've found a place he liked because he began sucking and biting and licking one particular spot, and _shit,_ Zayn knew it was going to leave a mark.

“Yes more, please … wanna see and remember this tomorrow, remember this forever.” Zayn was panting slightly, from anticipation, and just from Liam’s mouth on his body.

“Been wanting to have my mouth on you for so long,” Liam said, licking and kissing the bruises he had just made, “wanna look at these later, Zayn, remember I was here.”

“I’ve wanted your fucking lips on me forever, Li. Christ, they’re so distracting.” Zayn said, thumbing at Liam’s pink mouth, “you’re always biting and licking them.”

“Totally on purpose,” Liam said, biting down lightly on his thumb, moving down to  kiss his tummy then his thighs, a smirk on his face as he looked up at Zayn, “wanted you to look.”

Zayn let out an exasperated breath and he stroked at Liam’s hair as he moved closer in but still too far away, sucking another bruise and then another. He was relentless, marking him up and claiming him. Zayn never wanted them to go away; he wanted constant reminders of Liam’s assault. But his dick needed attention, and desperately.  

Liam looked up at him with hooded eyes and licked his lips and Zayn couldn’t hold it in anymore, “Fuck Liam, stop teasing, Jesus Christ, I need -”

Liam smiled knowingly and took Zayn’s entire length into his mouth.

“Oh my fucking god, _shit, shit, fuck, Liam, what -”_ Zayn didn’t have conscious thought as Liam began sucking and pumping his dick, swirling his tongue and making him fall apart so easily with just his mouth and fingers. “Babe, that feels so good, _wow ..._ ”

Liam just hummed in appreciation, continuing to blow Zayn like it was his favorite thing in the whole world.

Liam popped off Zayn’s cock with a loud wet noise and starting to thumb at his slit, cupping his balls. He looked up at Zayn, his honey brown eyes just the slightest bit glassy, before taking Zayn back in his mouth again. Liam pumped him slowly as he took him further and further, and Zayn could see his jaw opening wider, his pink plump lips straining with the effort, but in that moment he flicked his watering eyes up and looked at Zayn.

“Fuck me,” Zayn gasped, because this was the perfect image, Liam between his thighs, Zayn’s cock heavy in his mouth, his curly hair damp against his forehead, eyes shining up at him.

“Actually,” Liam pulled off Zayn’s dick, licking his lips, and suddenly his voice sounded tentative. “Actually Zee, I was wondering …”  Zayn just watched as Liam took a deep breath, still jerking Zayn off lazily, “I was wondering if _you_ would fuck _me_?”

Zayn didn’t say anything for a moment, not sure if he had heard Liam properly, but when Liam didn’t take back his statement or look like he regretted it, Zayn felt a smile creep on his face.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, cocking his head to side, looking Liam up and down as he continued to pump his cock.

“Uhuh, been, uh … been thinking about it a lot lately,” Liam said, and he let go of Zayn’s dick and started to crawl up his body, arms caging him in, noses touching. “Wanna feel you, need you … need you inside me, Zayn.”

Fuck, if that wasn’t the hottest thing he ever heard, and Zayn, not so gracefully, flipped them over so he was on top, looking down at Liam. Liam, who was so warm and kind and soft but strong and stubborn and just _everything_. And Zayn was going to fuck him.

“Shit, yeah … I can, I can do that, Liam,” Zayn said into Liam’s mouth, starting to kiss him again just because he could, and that in it of itself was amazing.

“I um … I’ve never, um ...” Liam began to stutter out, but Zayn shushed him with another kiss.

“Babe, it’s ok … it’s just me, yeah? I’ll take care of you … wanna make you feel so good.”

“Yeah,” Liam groaned as Zayn sucked open-mouthed kisses on his pulse point. “Just you babe, only want you,” and Zayn felt his heart expand with emotion tight in his chest at Liam’s words.

“Do you trust me, Li?” Zayn said, and he was starting to lift himself up and off of Liam, getting off the bed entirely, eyes never leaving Liam’s.

“Of course, always,” Liam said, and Zayn knew he meant it.

“Alright, well let’s get your pants off, then,” Zayn laughed and leaned over Liam to undo his pants. He then clumsily pulled them down, taking off Liam’s socks and shoes, throwing them over where his own clothes were heaped in a pile. When he turned back around he was shocked to see that Liam had rid himself of his boxers on his own and was just lying on the bed, fully naked, and wonderfully hard. For him … for Zayn.

“Jesus Christ, Liam,” Zayn mumbled under his breath and then, without even trying to stop himself, he hastily climbed on top of Liam again and attached their lips. They kissed hungrily and without much rhythm, their naked bodies sliding together, hands fumbling to touch whatever skin they could find. Zayn marveled at how soft Liam was; his arms, his hair, his legs, and belly, just so much soft skin, and he wanted to kiss and touch every inch of him.

“I love touching you, Liam, always wanna touch you,” Zayn said into Liam’s mouth, nipping at Liam’s bottom lip before kissing him hard and then soft.

“Always want you too … always need you near me,” Liam said right back, scratching Zayn’s back lightly with dull nails, “I miss you, all the time.”

“I’m right here, Liam, not going anywhere,” Zayn reassured him, and he was desperately hoping Liam felt the same, that he wouldn’t want to leave after this …

_Trust him, Zayn. Trust Liam._

Liam wrapped his arms tightly around Zayn’s neck, tugging at his hair softly, sucking Zayn’s full bottom lip into his mouth.  “Zayn … I … I love you so much.” He took Zayn’s hand and lead him down past Liam’s chest, and hips, past his leaking cock, and right in between his thighs.

“Oh,” Zayn took a deep breath, breaking their kiss to look at Liam, “yeah?”

“Yea, want it … so bad, please,” Liam stuttered out, his eyes shining.

“Lemme just ...”  Zayn hopped off of Liam, a little awkwardly with fumbling arms and tangled legs, and went rummaging through his bag in the corner of the room. Once he had his “me time” lube and special occasion condoms, he was back on the bed, tossing them next to Liam. He leaned down and gave the sweet boy in front of him another deep kiss, holding his face in his hands and pressing their foreheads together again, before he positioned himself between Liam’s thighs.

_Whoa._

Zayn was in awe that this was really happening, and he couldn’t help the smile that was spreading across his face as he stroked up and down Liam’s thighs.

“What?” Liam asked, propping himself up on his arms.

“Nothing babe, I’m just happy.” He leaned forward to kiss Liam again, soft and slow. “So fucking happy.”

“I’m happy too,” Liam whispered, laying back down on the bed, “I’m … I’m ready ...” and he looked over to the bottle next to him, “I … I wanna feel you so bad, Zayn.”

“Ok, yeah, ok.” Zayn leaned over Liam and quickly grabbed the bottle, slicking up three of his fingers and feeling like he was living his perfect fantasy. Never in his wildest dreams did imagine Liam wanting _this,_ and yet here was, lying ready and waiting for Zayn to open him up. Zayn’s cock twitched and ached between his legs and his mouth watered at the prospect of finally being inside Liam.

With one hand on Liam’s thigh, Zayn took his other and pressed one finger against Liam’s rim. “ _Holy fuck, Liam”_ Zayn gasped, voice low, “so warm for me already.” And Zayn looked up at him, checking to see if this was okay, and Liam just nodded fervently back at him, mouthing _please Zayn please._ So Zayn slowly sunk his first finger in, all the way to end, and then starting moving it in and out. Zayn’s breathing was erratic, he was so turned on, watching his finger disappear into Liam’s tight ass only to reappear again. Liam was moaning brokenly, and all of his sounds went straight to Zayn’s cock.

Zayn looked up at Liam, and saw that his eyes were rolled back and he was fisting the sheets, a stream of _shit Zayn fuck oh god yes_ pouring from his perfect mouth, and Zayn’s jaw dropped because _he_ was doing _this_ to _Liam._

Using Liam’s groans as encouragement, Zayn added a second finger, pushing both digits in and out, getting lost in the sounds filling the bedroom.

“Zayn, oh my god, this feels so good. I’m …” Liam was starting to writhe on the bed, looking all the around the room as if trying to understand the pleasure coursing through his body. “I knew this would feel good, but _fuck_ this is nothing, _nothing_ like what I imagined.”

“You look so incredible like this, Li,” Zayn said softly, and then he crooked his fingers hard up inside him, making a moan rip out of Liam’s chest as he bucked up into Zayn’s hand.

“Holy _fuck,_ Zayn, what was that, oh my god, please do it again.” Liam was breathing hard, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, and Zayn smirked, knowing what he had done.

“That’s your prostate, babe” Zayn said, a smile still etched on his face, and he crooked his fingers again.

“ _ZAYN!_ ” Liam screamed as Zayn hit it again. “Zayn, holy shit. I can’t … like I _knew_ it was there but _oh my fucking god._ ” Liam was writhing hard against the bed, and Zayn had to hold him down, his free hand on Liam’s thigh, while he added a third finger and continued to fuck up into Liam.

Liam groaned incoherently, mouthing words Zayn couldn’t hear, and he could see his cock leaking against his belly, demanding attention. Zayn slowed his movements down, pushing in and out of Liam and scissoring his fingers, trying to open Liam up without pushing him over the edge. Liam seemed to calm down slightly, eyes focused on the ceiling, and his breathing returning to normal, but he looked so fucked out already.

“Li, you ready, you think?” Zayn asked, his voice soft and a little unsure. Liam finally opened his eyes, blinking a few times, and then he smiled wide, his whole face lighting up.

“Yeah, _shit …_ yeah, I want it … so bad,” Liam said as he lifted himself up off the bed and grabbed Zayn’s face for a sloppy kiss, all tongues and lips. Zayn was so in love it hurt, and he felt like he was going to explode into tiny billion pieces, but it was ok because he knew Liam would be right here to piece him back together.

Zayn stared down at his neglected cock, rock hard and throbbing, and he gave himself a few tugs, breathing heavy as the anticipation mounted. _Was this really happening?_

“Can you, uh,” Zayn looked at Liam, “Can you pass me the …” and he looked at the condom next to Liam’s head, feeling suddenly so self-conscious.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Liam looked to his side and awkwardly grabbed the foil package with fumbling fingers. “Here, here you go.” Liam handed Zayn the condom and as their fingers touched their eyes met, and Zayn just melted.

“Liam … I love you, ok?” Zayn said.

“I love you too, Zayn … so much.” Liam said, and they were both suspended in this moment of _I love you,_ a moment they’ve both waited years for, that Zayn thought would never happen and yet was right here, right at his fingertips.

“Ok, I -” Zayn stuttered but Liam cut him off.

“I trust you, Zayn,” Liam said, “please, just … get inside me.”

Zayn didn’t think he could get any harder, but _holy fuck._ He fumbled with the condom, his fingers shaking as he ripped it open. He slicked up his cock and slid the condom down his length, Liam watching him all the while, open-mouthed.

“That’s so hot, Zee,” Liam said, licking his lips as Zayn lubed himself up, “can’t wait for you to fuck me.” Zayn thought he had died and gone to heaven, but he just gave Liam a shy grin and lined himself up against his rim.

The room was quiet, apart from their heavy breathing, as Zayn began to push into Liam. _Hot so fucking hot._ Liam’s face twisted in pain however and Zayn immediately stopped.

“Liam, shit, am I hurting you?” Zayn rushed, feeling awful, anguish washing over him.

“Just … just give me a moment …” Liam was breathing hard, “just need to adjust.” Zayn’s chest felt tight, hating that Liam was feeling any discomforting even though he knew how disconcerting bottoming could be, especially the first time.

Zayn waited for a minute, until Liam nodded through heavy breaths, and Zayn slowy pushed in just a bit further, willing himself to stay still. He stopped again, waiting for Liam to get used this depth, then once he saw Liam as ok, he went even deeper, checking Liam’s reaction throughout.

Zayn was overwhelmed at how warm and tight Liam was, he shut his eyes tight and grabbed Liam’s thighs, the heat that was Liam surrounding him and filling him up with every inch Liam allowed him.

“Zayn, oh fuck, _wow, ok, I like this, keep going, please_ ” Liam was speaking low now, but Zayn’s brain was going fuzzy as he pressed deeper and deeper, finally filling Liam up entirely.

“Whoa,” Zayn whispered, slowly blanketing himself over Liam’s body, holding himself up on his arms, willing himself not to move, “you feel incredibly Li … you ok?”

“I’m … I -” It seemed as if Liam couldn’t find the words and he just pressed his forehead against Zayn’s, his damp hair brushing against his own, bringing his hands up to cup Zayn’s face. “Kiss me,” Liam whispered, and so Zayn did, because this was all he had ever wanted; for Liam to ask him to kiss him.

Their lips met, soft and sweet, and Zayn licked deep inside his mouth, sucking on Liam’s tongue and swallowing his moans with every press of their mouths.

“Move, now,” Liam demanded, bucking his hips up, another moan escaping his lips, “Zayn I need you to move now.” Zayn wasn’t sure if he responded verbally, strings of _ok_ and _yes_ and _shit holy fuck_ moving through his mind, as he thrust once into Liam.

“Oh god yes, again Zayn, _again,_ ” Liam panted and Zayn thrusted again and again, all the while feeling Liam push towards him, both trying and failing to find a rhythm but not caring because there were _I love you_ ’s and _harder faster, baby please’s_ and _you feel so good inside me’s_ being said between hot kisses. Zayn was falling harder and harder into the the bottomless pit of love he held for the boy in his arms.

Zayn curled his face into Liam’s neck, his mouth open, panting hot air against his skin, and he continued to fuck Liam relentlessly. Liam was tugging hard at his hair, scratching his back, and pushing their bodies together with strong hands, and Zayn wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Liam, I’m gonna … I’m gonna come,” Zayn mumbled, fucking him faster and even more out of sync than before. “Come with me.”

He lifted off Liam just enough to grab his dick, which had been pressed between them, and jerk him off in time with his thrusts. “Come for me, baby,” Zayn whispered into Liam’s mouth, his hand sliding up and down his wet cock. “Wanna hear you say my name.”

“Fuck, Zayn, oh god, I’m coming, _ZAYN!”_ Liam yelled as hot come spilled over Zayn’s fingers and their bellies, and Zayn was sure the other occupants of the hotel on their floor had to have heard them, but he didn’t care. _Good, let them hear how good I make him feel_. Zayn pushed once, twice more, deep inside Liam, and his hips stuttered as he came with a sharp cry of his own, his vision going white, cocking pulsing hard.

“Holy shit,” Zayn breathed as he collapsed, heavy, on top of Liam, tucking his face into Liam’s neck again as Liam’s hand came up to thread through his hair. “That … thank you, I -”

Zayn just felt all the energy seep out of him as he lay there, Liam still stroking his hair, lulling him into a soft sleep, but he was still inside Liam and they were messy with come and sweat.

“I’m gonna pull out, ok? It’s gonna feel a little strange,” Zayn said to Liam, kissing his neck as he slowly lifted himself out of Liam, who let out a strangled breath.

“Oh, yeah, that does … feel … odd,” Liam said, shifting his hips underneath Zayn. “Kinda miss you already, though.” He kissed Zayn’s lips softly. “can we shower?”

“Good idea,” Zayn said and he got up off Liam, helped him gingerly off the bed and they padded awkwardly over to the shower, Zayn removing the condom and throwing it away before they stepped under the hot water and started washing their bodies.

Zayn looked tentatively over at Liam, worried suddenly that Liam’s quietness was a bad sign. “You ok?” he said as the water spilled over his eyes and he looked at Liam, hoping his face wasn’t as worried as he felt.

“Zayn,” Liam just shook his head, smiling at him and then he pressed Zayn up against the shower wall and crashed their lips together, their mouths sliding slick from the water, “I’ve literally never been better. Best fuck of my life, mate.”

“Yeah?” Zayn was smiling against Liam’s lips.

“Definitely,” Liam said, now kissing down Zayn’s jaw to his neck, sucking and biting into his sensitive skin. “Maybe next time I’ll fuck you and show you how good it feels.”

“Jesus, yeah, fuck yeah …” Zayn groaned, and he could feel his cock starting to twitch again, “Li … now let’s just get some sleep, so tired ... then I’ll blow you in the morning.”

“Mmmm, sounds wonderful,” Liam said, giving Zayn a quick kiss on the mouth before leaving the shower and toweling off, Zayn following right behind.

Once dry, they crawled into Zayn’s bed, still naked, and curled up against each other under the covers. Zayn draped himself over Liam’s chest, nuzzling into his neck and feeling complete.

“I’m not leaving, Zayn,” Liam said, pulling Zayn even closer to him, “never leaving you again.”

“Promise?” Zayn said, murmuring into his neck.

“Promise.”

 

***

 

“OI! YOU FUCKING WANKERS! I DID NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR NAKED ASSES FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. FUCKING HELL, YOU FUCKING TWATS!” Louis’ yells filled their room and Zayn sat up groggily, hearing Liam laughing next to him.

“Oi, you don’t have to look,” Zayn said, throwing a pillow at his best mate, who had just walked into the room, heading for the bathroom. Louis dodged the pillow and threw them the finger as he closed the door to the toilet.

“Should we maybe get changed, then?” Zayn said, looking at Liam, who was still giggling into Zayn’s arm.

“Absolutely not,” Liam said, “you promised me morning head.” Zayn beamed back at him, and it finally clicked into place. This was real. Liam was his …

“I’m yours, Liam … all yours,” Zayn said and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Mine … “ Liam said, stroking Zayn’s face, “you’re mine, and I’m yours … always.”

“Always,” Zayn repeated, and finally, he felt completely and utterly at home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I've been working on this series for months and I'm so happy to finally have finished it. I'm really quite proud of what it turned into.
> 
> Thanks so much to my beta Julia who deals with my obnoxious ass and gives me feed back and is a much better friend than she thinks she is.  
> and to my Liz, thank god you're my editor, I love you and thanks to your reaction of "PLOT TWIST BITCHES" when I debated on making it Top!Zayn I decided to do it. 
> 
> If you liked this leave a kudos or comment, they really make my day.  
> Thank you again for reading! <3


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